Sexual Assault

I enjoy browsing cnn.com to catch up on the news in the world.  Today when I viewed the site there was a picture of Joe Pa’s casket, which was a nice wooden one with a great white rose spray; I digress.  What was interesting is the fact that Joe Pa left amongst a scandal of sexual abuse by one of his coaches.  People have argued whether he did the right thing or not.  This post will not be an argument about how he handled the allegations, in fact it is not about Jo Pa.

John Chadima was the senior associate athletic director at UW-Madison.  Mr. Chadima had a party in a hotel room that involved alcohol, employees and a few minors.  When everyone was leaving Mr. Chadima asked one of the guys who worked for him to stay.  He then undid the guys belt and stuck his hand down his pants.  The guy, John Doe, slapped his hand away.  Mr. Chadima reported that he would fire the student as Mr. Doe ran out of the room.  The police were called and later Mr. Chadima resigned at UW-Madison.

What made me think about this article was the Law and Order episode I just watched called “Personal Fouls”.  It is about a coach who helps kids through basketball, however while doing that he is sexually assaulting some of them.

One of my teachers showed me a website that gives all the stats about Sexual Assault, Rape, Abuse, And Incest National Network  (RAINN).  According to RAINN 80% of all people who are sexually abused are under the age of 30.  In fact they say that every two minutes someone is sexually abused in the US.

It is my hope that we as a national would help teach our children and Universities that it is ok to talk about this difficult topic.  Why, you ask?  Because 60% of sexual assault cases are never reported, SIXTY PERCENT!  The stigma that society has given to these victims is not a good one.  I have a friend who is afraid to tell people that he was sexually abused in fear that people would look differently at him.  Once he had someone say that he would abuse someone because that is what abused children do, they grow up to be an abuser.  FALSE, the statistic that person was looking at was how many of the abusers were abused.  What about all the people who have been abused that have not abused.  Please check out the RAINN website and get familiar with the stats.

Do you know anyone who has been abused?  Were you yourself abused?  How can we take what is going on in the news about these sexual assaults and teach out young people about them?

Parenting vs. Dog Training

It is difficult being a Parent, especially since your child does not come with a manual.

Thankfully we have our parents, family, friends and our church to fall back on.  Right now I am attending a Sunday morning class for dads and dads to be.  We are going through a book called Better Dads, Stronger Sons by Rick Johnson.  He is a great writer and since I do not have a son, I will be starting his That’s my Girl: How a Father’s Love Protects and Empowers His Daughter.

Today our teacher was going over Chapter Seven, Discipline.  This is what I need to know about, how do you get your child to do what you ask and how do you teach them that if they do something they may get hurt doing it?  Well, we did not get through the whole lesson, so we will pick up where we left it next week.

One thing we did talk about, that I thought was really cool, was how so similar training a dog is to parenting your child.  An interesting fact about me I am a former dog trainer for PetSmart.  I went to training for two weeks, read some books, taught some classes and boom I was an accredited trainer.  (The picture below is my graduation day with my trainer.)

To hear the teacher compare the two I immediately agreed.  When I taught my classes I would explain to my PetParents that if you want your children to do something  you must be consistent, as if you want your dogs to do something, you MUST be consistent.  For instance, you want your dog to sit.  Start by using a small piece of food to lure your dog’s nose to point upward (toward the treat) and move the treat backwards over his head so that he naturally lowers his haunches to a sitting position. Don’t hold the treat too high or he may jump up for it.  Once your dog’s butt hits the floor say “YES” and give the treat, then say OK letting your dog know it is ok to get out of the sit.  You must do this for days to get the pattern down and make sure you get a good sit, it takes awhile, but sit is one of the easiest commands.

To teach your child to clean up you must show them the toys that are on the ground, pick it up and place them in the box.  You must show them how to do this every day AND give them praise for cleaning up, clapping, saying YAY, whatever it is make it fun.

Why do both of these work?  Have you heard of someone called B.F. Skinner?  He coined the term Operant Conditioning; a method of learning that occurs through rewards and punishments for behavior. Through operant conditioning, an association is made between a behavior and a consequence for that behavior.  If your dog or child is having a behavior that is not good, look for the reward they are getting and take the reward away which would be a punishment.  Once the dog or child is not getting the reward then the behavior will stop.

What is funny is that I searched for articles about parenting and dog training and found one on Modern Dog which lead me to one at the New York Times.  This article mainly talks about Cesar Millan teaching the role of the Alpha Dog, which I agree with, however I do not agree with some of  his tactics.

Do you see any similarities in dog training and parenting?  Please let me know below.

Father of the year

Have you heard about the father in Ohio that duck taped his daughter, placed her in a dog pin and dripped water in her face?  I just read it on CNN.  The father’s lawyer stated that this was a joke that got out of hand.  The father and his 13 year old son took pictures of the so called prank and uploaded them to Facebook.  Someone sent this evidence to the authorities and he has been arrested.

Putting shaving cream in your daughter’s hand while she is sleeping and tickling her nose so she will slap her face with it is a prank, not this.  This father should spend some time in jail and be made to attend parenting classes.  This can seriously mess up his daughters emotional state and it will come back to her in the future.  This teaches his son to not respect women.

What do you think should happen to this father?

Dirty 30

Today is a special day, January 13, 2012. I turned thirty years old today. This birthday is a lot harder for me than others that I have had. Some of you may be saying that thirty is not old at all and I agree, but it FEELS old.

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I was talking with my wife about my concerns with turning thirty, mainly about not accomplishing as much as I wanted. She reminded me that my twenties were trying to get over something in my childhood. She is so right!

So what highlights do I have from my thirty years?

1. survived Houston, TX.
2. became a Christian.
3. graduated from high school, which a lot of teachers thought I would not.
4. met life long friends at a great small College. CRC!
5. met my beautiful wife at Harding University.
6. accumulated student loan debt.
7. changed a few jobs and gaining life long experiences.
8. meeting my daughter for the first time.
9. gaining employment at Arkansas Tech.
10. finding God as my Father.

I am looking forward to my 30th year and what it will bring to my life. If all goes as planned, I will graduate on August 11 and then start a masters degree in College Student Personnel (Higher Education).

I love my job that I have and do not plan on moving away from my department.

First day of classes started this week and I can’t wait to learn some Criminal Justice. You will hear about this more.
Until then…thanks for reading a dugs life.

Baby Formula – Poor Ingredients

My wife has been breastfeeding our daughter the minute she was cleaned up from the nastiness of being in the belly. We believe that breast is best and of course it is so much more cheaper to feed something that your body naturally dispenses. However, there has been a time or two that we have used formula.

The first time we used formula was the first night that we had Kennedee at home. She was crying and screaming and just would not stop. Ashlee, my wife, was sleeping and could not wake up long enough to feed Kennedee due to the strong pain medication. I was desperate and grabbed the formula that we received free in the mail and made a bottle. Kennedee drank one ounce and feel asleep, this was a great moment in the night that I could think and hear what was going on around me again.

The second time we used this was this past weekend when my wife was sick, very sick. She was throwing up and, well I will spare you the gorey details. Luckily Ashlee’s sister was in town and she was able to baby sit for us while I was at work. While she and my in-laws had Kennedee they ran out of frozen breastmilk and we did not want Ashlee holding our daughter, so formula was the only answer. (Well we could have asked one of our friends who is breastfeeding their kids if we can have some milk, but that would be out of our comfort zone.)

At lunch today we were discussing the formula for some reason and my wife asked her mom if she read the ingredient of the formula. Come to find out the very first ingredient is corn Syrup Solids! What?! The very thing that we are trying to not give our daughter is the number one ingredient in her life saving powder.

I feel let down by the people who are suppose to have your babies health interest at the very top of their list. Just in case you do not know the ingredients of the formula, I have listed them below.

Ingredients
Unflavored Powder

  • Similac Sensitive EarlyShield Powder / 1.45-lb (657-g) SimplePac / Case of 6
  • Similac Sensitive Powder / 2.12-lb (963-g) SimplePac / Case of 6
  • Similac Sensitive EarlyShield Powder / 12.6-oz (357-g) Can / Case of 6

Corn Syrup Solids, Sugar (Sucrose), Milk Protein Isolate, High Oleic Safflower Oil, Soy Oil, Coconut Oil, Galactooligosaccharides. Less than 2% of the Following: C. Cohnii Oil*, M. Alpina Oil, Beta-Carotene, Lutein, Lycopene, Calcium Phosphate, Potassium Citrate, Potassium Chloride, Sodium Citrate, Magnesium Phosphate, Ascorbic Acid, Calcium Carbonate, Choline Chloride, Ferrous Sulfate, Magnesium Chloride, Ascorbyl Palmitate, Choline Bitartrate, Taurine, m-Inositol, dl-Alpha-Tocopheryl Acetate, Zinc Sulfate, Mixed Tocopherols, L-Carnitine, Niacinamide, Calcium Pantothenate, Vitamin A Palmitate, Cupric Sulfate, Thiamine Chloride Hydrochloride, Riboflavin, Pyridoxine Hydrochloride, Folic Acid, Manganese Sulfate, Potassium Iodide, Phylloquinone, Biotin, Sodium Selenate, Vitamin D3, Cyanocobalamin, Potassium Hydroxide, and Nucleotides (Adenosine 5’-Monophosphate, Cytidine 5’-Monophosphate, Disodium Guanosine 5’-Monophosphate, Disodium Uridine 5’-Monophosphate).
* A source of docosahexaenoic acid (DHA).
A source of arachidonic acid (ARA).
Contains milk ingredients. Gluten-Free; suitable for lactose sensitivity.

This reminds me of the commerical that the corn industry airs where the two mothers are at a birthday party and one mom is pouring the kool-aid and the other is like oh that is corn syrup. Then the mom who is pouring pretty much makes the other feel stupid. Well, SNL did a great skit about this commercial. It is basically the same, however at the end it shows the mom’s daughter as a fat man wanting more kool-aid.

If you know me you may be saying, well Doug, you are on the heavy side. Yes I am, however we are trying to eat better and use better ingredients in our foods. My wife and I do not want our child to be obese.

I have learned a lesson from this incedint and will be going to the store to purchase some Earth’s Best Infant Formula. This brand does not have these nasty ingridents. Next time we are needing to use formula, I will not have a bad conscience. I hope you look at what you are feeding your children and together we can help stop childhood obesity.

Thanks for reading about a dugs life.

Real Men Do Cry

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Whoever said real men don’t cry was seriously misinformed. I think our society is starting to turn around on this view, however there are still those people who hold to this belief. I for one do not agree with the thinking that men should not cry.

Crying is good for the soul, eyes, stress level, and just your mental well being. Here are seven reasons why crying is good for you. http://www.care2.com/greenliving/7-reasons-why-crying-is-good-for-you.html

I have heard people say the hardest they have cried was when they saw their dad cry. Is this true for you? I am not sure I have seen my dad cry and I don’t have that great of a relationship with him to really care if he does cry. Now I have cried when men that I look up too has cried. Maybe that is what it is like to have your dad cry in my head.

I was at church a few weeks ago and a guy was talking about Jesus and helping those who do not know Him by showing God’s love for them. He was really emotional and had to take a few pauses to collect his thoughts. Of course I started to cry as well, not sure if it was his faith or just that he was a guy crying, but I teared up with him. What is crazy is I overheard an older man say, “I don’t know what he was getting so emotional for.” This response could have been made due to his lack of relationship with Christ or because he was older and thought men should not cry in public, nay not at all.

Another time I remember crying with a guy crying was when I was at Camp Caudle listening to a friend speak at a camp session. He was talking about how he threw something away that his dad cherished and how his dad was not angry at him, but how he sat him down and told him a story about the object he through away. My friend started crying and if I remember correctly he mentioned his daughter. This is when I knew that I would be a dad soon and I started crying as well. I wanted to run down there and hug him.

When you become a father, you have all new fears, worries, wants and different outlooks on life. You are not so consumed about yourself or about your wife(at least this is how I am right now) it is all about your baby. There is this new beautiful creation that God has given us and said here she is yours to take care of, she is yours to show the love that I have shown you, she is your daughter. I have to admit that when I first saw her I did not bust out in tears, it took one night before I started welling up inside. I remember rocking in a chair that was in our room and thinking how she was so small and how she was my daughter. I also thought of the rule in the hospital that both parents could not be asleep with the baby in the room. So, I was rocking her looking into her blue eyes and thinking how tired I was but I did not want to take her to the nursery. Alas I had to wheel her down in the bassinet to the ladies.

Ever since then I have seen her at night before she went to bed and am the primary put-her-to-sleep-parent. When I was gone we were able to see each other via FaceTime. The other night she went to stay with my wife’s family because my wife is sick. When I carried her out to their car I was welling up inside and when I walked in my house I sat on the couch and cried for five minutes. I am not sure what my wife was thinking, I have not asked her. My daughter is six months old and I would do anything for her. It is amazing to think how six months ago there was this little baby girl that came in the world and we have never met before, yet I would die for her.

If my in-laws read this don’t feel bad about me crying, real men are allowed to cry. Thanks for reading a dugs life.

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